Modern Dating: Are we swimming in a dead sea?
“It is the time you have wasted for your rose that makes your rose so important.” Saint-Exupéry, The Little Prince
Nowadays, the modern empire of sex and dating apps leads lots of single folks, isolated, rejected or frustrated in the dead sea of a dating world. As a result, the most sensitives and hopeless romantics like me have at least once in their dating lives, contemplated the possibility that it would be better not to dive in.
But, we, as human species we are one of mating and we will always yearn to partner up no matter our relationship style is and how crazy the love business has become.
We have come to a point where everything can be bought and exchanged so easily but when it comes to the love game, the only matters that can’t be cashable, are those of the Soul, love and intimacy.
This might not be admitted on a conscious level but so many of us would rather sacrifice these essentials because they prefer remaining in the apathy of choice and the illusion of winning many matches instead of risking the intolerable pain of losing one single object of desire.
One of the major problems is that the art of seduction requires us to accept losing the object of desire in the first place if we want to be good at playing it but, we, as end products of a consumerist society where we can buy it all in a world where social media mirrors us an Instalalaland with winners only, we are increasingly reluctant to the idea of vulnerability, loss and rejection.
Before I was training to become a Sex, Love and Relationship expert, I always had this burning desire to experience a type of love that was royal, raw therefore rare but I often ended up feeling frustrated when facing the hard truth of how romance was disappearing from my life but also in general.
Personally, I crushed and crashed for many years in my adult dating life without really reaching the deeper level of intimacy, sometimes tired of the modern dating codes, often defeated by deception in a world where porn markets genitalias, where boobs and cocks are sold in the name of love and where sexuality had become a market for compulsive buyers and uses women’s bodies as sexual transactions.
Even though some have tried to brainwashed me, I never became a victim of religious conservative puritanism of any kind. I always believed in the healthy expression of one’s sexual energy and I love to witness the young generation feeling so much freedom in expressing it, but I am saddened by the fact that society has been intoxicated by a sexual education that does not conform to the desires of my inner Tantrika. A sexuality where performance takes over presence, where unconscious compulsive behaviors overpower loving attention and sovereign worship to one another.
As far as I remember I always felt sickened by the internalised white supremacist conditioning and sexist normative criteria when it came to reach the perfect sexual partner standards but, thank Goddess, my wise pussy did not buy any of it. I was never interested in experiencing this type of deadly sexuality where one had to fake some sort of interest. So why would I even bother make the effort to swipe and match when I knew from scratch we would crash at foreplay.
Modern dating life sometimes seems like fishing in a dead sea, insulated on a dry water left with no answers, no waves and no time to digest a rotten fish before the next catch we did not swipe left but right. A game with no beginning and no end but also with no mercy.
Let’s face it, the market of sex has taken over the art of seduction and human intimacy and if I suffered the absence of it, I am sure I am not the only one. I admit it, there was a time, I would rather fish in the dead sea than facing the emptiness of my insides but somewhere deep within my pussy, my old desire for that rare fish was still burning.
I have no doubt that this dating style is working for some and I fully respect it if it does. This is only a point of view amongst others in the sea and all I wish is for people to find their perfect catch. So if online dating is serving mates to find their way to each other with more ease, then in a way that makes me happy too. But my fear is that by losing our ability to reflect, pause and silence at times, we end up numbing our emotional lives, our fear of loneliness. So by compulsively filling our fish cups with swipes & likes, we are really trying to fill an existential void.
When I decided to reset my love game with new rules, I was suddenly coming across as picky in my quest for a love. I was asking for too much when it came to the requirements of my ideal partner. Why did I not accept what a vast majority did? But I would rather starve than eat fish bones on my modern dater plate.
Well, do not get me wrong, not that I have been a saint myself when it comes to my dating life and I certainly must have been once or twice someone else’s hard game. But looking back, I had been battling a way too much in a game that I should not have start playing in the first place. A game that if it required compromise and effort, certainly shall not ask of someone to lose their integrity in the playground.
I believe we are one generation that struggles to resist the single dance of silence, the wait, the pace and the space in between but I am also hopeful that by reconnecting with a more ritualistic lifestyle, we can rekindle the art of seduction, re-awaken burning desires and experience a more conscious dating life.
It took me a lot of energy and toxicity purging to be able to find my truth when it comes to the love game. I think I now know what is true for me, what is real in my heart and I have come to reset the game in those terms: A game that requires of you, to know your worth and what you stand for. A conscious game where the players listen to their guts and open their hearts. A game which rules are based on mutual respect, trust and love. A game where the player’s wounds are licked with loving kindness and where, as the fox says to The Little Prince of Saint-Exupéry: The art of ritual is being played for taming one another.
Wildly,
Agnes
